I was born to a family with
generational abuse. My mother's father at age 14 was sold by his father
to a man he owed a debt to in Wisconsin. He escaped to New Orleans where
he met and married my grandmother. Their daughter met and married my
father the oldest son of a sharecropper. He was physically and
emotionally abused by his impulsive and cruel father who used religion to
justify his behaviors.
My father, a veteran and good
provider, inherited his bad temper so as children we learned to fear him.
So it is completely understandable why my mother fearing that my father
would become vigilante, told me to not tell anyone when I reported to her at
age 12 that I was being molested by my father's brother. I prayed and
asked God to stop the circumstances. My uncle was drafted and sent to
Vietnam.
I felt very alone and
abandoned. At church the pastor began to talk about childhood sexual
abuse. My heart leapt. You mean there were others like me?!?!
The sorrow returned when he closed with, "this only happens in
other religions not in our church". Again I was unseen and
unheard. Did God see me as damaged also?
I had difficulty concentrating in
school. I blamed myself. I believed I was damaged and
unlovable. I continue to pray. I continued to read the
scriptures. As a teenager reading about Joseph , a part of Genesis
50: 20 came very much alive. " You planned evil against
me. God planned it for good." This gave me hope! I knew
then that I had a purpose. I could and would be a strength in God's
hands. "All things work to the good for those who love the
Lord” Romans 8:28.
I made many bad choices and I
learned and grew just like Jesus did. " He learned obedience
through the things he suffered" Hebrews 8:5. After a divorce to an
abusive man, my son and I relied on second Corinthians 12: 9 “My grace is
sufficient for thee: for [my] power is made perfect in weakness.”. I
entered USM school of social work specializing in trauma recovery.
Today God has used my weakness to
be my strengths. Children and adults who have suffered or are suffering
abuse are comfortable speaking with me. I understand what they feel
because I have experienced it. The Spirit of Lord is working
through me. American Standard Version Genesis 50:20 And as for you, ye meant evil
against me; but God meant it for good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to
save much people alive. I have been blessed greatly as the things
that I suffered have now become my strengths. The word of God lives
in me.
